AMOR FATI Part 1: The Antidote to Comparison & Escapism.

Set upon the top of my 2024 Vision Board is my theme intention for the year “Amor Fati” – a Latin phrase and stoic philosophy which can be translated to “love of one’s fate”.

A notion the famous German philosopher Fiedrich Nietzche was very fond of saying, “My formula for greatness…is amor fati: that one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity. Not merely bear what is necessary, still less conceal it – but love it”.

“Amor Fati” means to accept and embrace yourself and your life path exactly as it is and has been. Wishing for different doesn’t actually change anything, and only disempowers you. Learning to see the gems in what you do have and learning to work with and embrace your own unique reality and journey, is where your true power lies. 

I came across this and felt it was the perfect cure and antidote for some of my challenges that were coming up for me, namely comparison-itis and escapism (and subsequently procrastination).

COMPARISON-ITIS:

Comparison-itis is something I started dabbling in young, and it’s something that I still have to catch myself and pull myself back from at times. In my formative years I experienced feeling isolated and out of place within my family system and my community in very niche ways. I also felt quite isolated by experiencing my father passing away when I was 7. These dynamics and experiences imprinted me with some challenging limiting beliefs, one of which being – “my life would be better or easier if it were more like someone else’s”.  

I actively work to rewrite and rewire these limiting beliefs, and appreciate Spirituality and other healing modalities that help me to do this. And yet I am still human and sometimes this can still get the better of me, as it did around my 33rd birthday, this past December.

Everyone says your 30’s are the best, and whilst I agree on some fronts – if you haven’t quite gotten “there” career-wise and financial-freedom-wise, you can feel like a bit of a failure on the whole “feeling established” front. So, as my birthday approached, I was struck by another comparison-itis spell - thinking of all the things I didn’t have going for me that I perceived other people my age did (thank you IG).

Another form of “comparison-itis” is comparing yourself to the fantasy version of your life and where you thought you’d be by now. Having visions and dreams is great, but it doesn’t serve us to be in a limbo waiting for such and such to happen so we can “finally be happy”, or only believing we’d be happy if our life looked a certain way. Happiness and contentment isn’t a destination, it’s just a process of learning to appreciate each moment for what it is, exactly as it is.

RESOLVING COMPARISON-ITIS:

In The Daily Stoic it says “There are two ways to be wealthy – to get everything you want or to want everything you have”.

My life might not look like your typical 33-year-old’s, but when I sit down and really think about it, I never wanted to follow a linear path. I wanted to follow my heart and pursue being an artist. I wanted to seek the more Soulful aspects of life, and this has blessed me in other ways, less tangible ways - but still I’ve had many blessed and magical experiences, connections and insights in my life. And no matter what I do moving forward, I can be so proud of myself for giving the whole music thing my best shot - creating 3 sultry, saucy music videos, releasing many dope ass songs, and enjoying some really amazing moments on stage – like I really did that! And I believe investing in yourself always pays off, even if you can’t immediately see how sometimes. You won’t get to your death bed and wish you didn’t try.

My life is abundant in its own unique way and as long as I focus on watering my grass, it will always be sprouting with blessings. Amor Fati is really a deep state of acceptance for yourself and your life.

ESCAPISM:

Another challenge I’ve had as a result of trying to cope with overwhelm is ESCAPISM, which also often leads to procrastination. Escapism is a coping mechanism where you try to disconnect, run, and distract yourself from the discomfort of your reality. Sometimes it can be such an automatic habit, you don’t even realize what you’re doing. Addictions, drinking, smoking, gambling, shopping, watching tv, eating, socialising, sex, gaming, living in fantasy realms and even scrolling can be escapism tools.

You come home from work, feel overwhelmed, wish to switch off for a second, and then before you know it you’ve spent three hours scrolling on social media. It’s a way to cope, but it can leave you feeling empty and anxious when overdone. A lot of our escapism tools are quick fixes to numb ourselves from what we really need to be doing to improve our sense of fulfillment and contentment in the reality of our life. It’s a temporary relief that only perpetuates the anxiety of feeling like a failure and the cycle continues. And as time goes on doing this we can feel more and more disconnected from ourselves.

RESOLVING ESCAPISM:

To combat this, we can all work to find healthier life processing tools. Tools that build resilience and help us to show up to life with a zest and clarity that allows us to reach our potentials as uniquely gifted Souls. Tools that help us face the discomfort of life and MOVE THROUGH things. Tools that help us to FEEL our feelings and transmute energy, rather than stuff it down or run away. Tools that give us the strength to be real with ourselves, and connect to our core and essence. Tools that help us to really witness and understand ourselves. Tools that help us to integrate and accept every part of ourselves with compassion. These tools are at your disposal in abundance if and when you are ready to embrace them. “When the student is ready, the teacher appears”.  

My personal goal is to keep filling my life with these healthier modalities and tools, so that my needs are witnessed and met, my nervous system is more regulated, and I’m therefore less prone to escapism. The more I continue to implement healthier tools, the more I and anyone else can move from COPING to THRIVING!

In “AMOR FATI Part 2: From Coping to Thriving Healing Tools” - I’ve shared 7 of my favourite healing/regulating/processing/grounding tools. Even if you don’t have the same challenges as me, these tools can help anyone get out of their head, become less and anxious and more settled into their body and reality - enjoying the natural essence of simply BEING. Tapping into that #DivineProwess baby!

From my Universe to yours -

Love, Hana Rosé aka. The Soulful Siren.